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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.