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I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen