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I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.