Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you figure me out I want an explanation.
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.