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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?