Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.