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If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........