Daily Silly Status

It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.

That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.

You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.

Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...

I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.

Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................

Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.

Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.

Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you

Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?

Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.

I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??

The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.

I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m