Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.