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Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if Iām not sure what it means
Honk if you want to see my finger.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."
Iām positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.