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Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point