Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.