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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.