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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.