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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.