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I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.