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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time