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As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs