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Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
exercise........you mean extra fries
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?