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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?