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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
My house has really let itself go.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm