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You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
Never squat with your spurs on
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.