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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?