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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.