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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
Home is where the pants aren’t.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.