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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
I have nothing!