Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.