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They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
You shouldn`t be allowed to wear animal print if you are bigger than said animal.