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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.