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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?