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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.