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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
I’m tired of things costing money.
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
I`m perfect you adjust.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.