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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.