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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.