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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words `awesomesauce` and `amazeballs` were at an all time low.