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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
I want it all and I want it delivered.
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Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.