Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.