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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.