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Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!