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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.