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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.