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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.