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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
I have a black belt in leather
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone