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I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I`M ASKING THEM"
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome