Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
What about a To-Don`t List?
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.