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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.