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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch