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I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.