Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Is food porn star a thing yet??
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.