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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Marriage is for quitters
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.