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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.