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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
I say the things better left unsaid.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.