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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
I put the hot in psychotic.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.