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I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?