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Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.
My favorite beer is the next one.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.