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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.