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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.