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Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords