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Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.