Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
My whole life is based on a true story...
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.